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March 9, 2011
Gangs or UFO’s?
Monrovia, CA–Once again, the authorities have been confounded by another large theft of Tuna at the local Monrovia Ralphs. New evidence has indicated that this may be UFO related. Anyone with information on this crime is urged to contact the authorities or post information at Stolen Tuna.
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March 2, 2011
Tuna Thief Undaunted
Monrovia, CA–Despite upgraded security, the Tuna section in the Monrovia Ralphs was hit again. Authorities are baffled. Anyone with information on this crime is urged to contact the authorities or post information at Stolen Tuna.
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February 22, 2011
Tuna Thief Strikes Again!
Monrovia, CA–The local Ralph’s in Monrovia was devastated again at 8:00 am by another large theft of tuna. Says store manager, “We are not getting another shipment of tuna until Wednesday and this will pose a serious issue to our customers wanting tuna for their casseroles and such.” Anyone with information on this crime is urged to contact the authorities or post information at Stolen Tuna.
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February 15, 2011
Tuna Casseroles on Hold
Monrovia, CA- – For the third week in a row, the tuna section at a small local Ralphs in Monrovia, California has been devastated and depleted. Customers are outraged. Says one shopper, who wished to remain anonymous, “I have planned on making a Tuna Casserole for the last two weeks. I understand there is a recession going on – but this is ridiculous. How much tuna does one person really need? I hope the perpetrator is caught and put behind bars permanently because that is what they deserve.”
Says Roger W. Johnson, Police Chief of Monrovia, “We have two strong leads we are investigating. One theory is this may be gang related. The other theory is the possibility of a District 9 UFO conspiracy.” Chief Johnson declined further comment. Anyone with information is urged to contact the authorities or post information at Stolen Tuna.
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